Despre femei – citate ale unor oameni celebri

Mâine este doar despre Ea. Este ziua Ei. Are și Ea dreptul la o astfel de zi, căci nu mai e alta în an ca asta. Înafară de 1 martie. Și ziua Ei de naștere. Și de nume. Și aniversarea voastră de care, Doamne ferește, să uiți. Plus Paștele și Crăciunul. Și să nu uităm acea zi în care fiecare femeie se simte specială: prima zi de reduceri.

Sunt atât de multe de spus despre Ea încât nu știu de unde să încep. Mai ales că vreau și eu să dorm în aceeași casă cu Ea a mea, și nu în căsuța pisicilor din curte. Din nou. Așa că voi lăsa alte minți luminate să spună, în 15 citate minunate, părerea lor despre Ea, despre dragoste, despre relații…

Louis CK: A man will steal your car or burn your house down or beat the shit out of you, but a woman will ruin your fuckin’ life. A man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he’ll leave you as a human being intact. He won’t fuck with who you are. Women are nonviolent, but they will shit inside of your heart.

Joan Rivers: My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

George Carlin: Here’s all you need to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Necunoscut: God made Adam first because he didn’t want any advice from Eve how to make Adam.

Chris Rock: There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Gilda Radner: I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.

Dave Barry: Women are definitely more interested in muscles than a sense of humor. You will never hear a woman say, “I wish Brad Pitt would put his shirt back on and tell some jokes.”

Louis CK: Boys fuck things up; Girls are fucked up.

Richard Pryor: Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.

Ray Romano: My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

Jim Carrey: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Tina Fey: Bitches get stuff done.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”

Amy Schumer: In every group of girlfriends, there’s that one who is the sluttiest. If you don’t have that friend, you’re that friend.


Și favorita mea, de departe:

Chris Rock: Marriage is so tough, Nelson Mandela got a divorce. He spent 27 years in South African prison, got beaten and tortured everyday, made to do hard labor in 100 degree South African heat, and did it with no problem. He got outta jail, after 27 years of torture…spent 6 months with his wife, he said “I can’t take this shit no more!”


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